What a Wonderful World

Vietnam

Cambodia

In Cambodia, the children took my camera and started running around with it. They took pictures of everything -of each other, and of their homes. Needless to say, I love all of the photographs.

I miss Asia.

Committing It All

Just got back my IR exam and unfortunately, I didn’t do too well. I haven’t been doing too well in the academic front, actually. But I know I’m inherently an extremely lazy person (really), and it also takes a while for me to adjust to things. It’s always been this way. In the end it turns out alright, but until the end it’s sometimes a pretty rocky path. I’m trying hard not to get too caught up in the rat race, but it gets hard. Especially when you don’t do well.

I’ve noticed that people here really work their butts off – an acute observation, I know – and it’s interesting to see how much they strive to do well in everything. Day in and day out there are people huddling in the library, trying their best not to yield to the temptation to go on Facebook and instead telling themselves that that elusive A is imminently in sight. People skip meetings, though it’s a 5 minute walk from their room, so they can spend that extra hour flipping through their colossal stacks of Poli-Sci notes. In conversations, when asked about their week, they determine its quality by the number of midterms or essays they have, or how they fared on tests. Oh dear, I must be making Tufts out to be some kind of Dorkfest. It really isn’t! People are cool and they do crazily fabulous things. But this is an aspect of college life that is impossible to ignore. And it’s not a bad thing – people just really want to do well. I, on the other hand, am still trying to pull my socks up. Every day I try desperately to recall what self-motivated spirit possessed me in jc (or high school, if you will…) that enabled me to go on from 6am till 12midnight every day. Wake up, lecture, tutorial, rehearsal, homework, wolf down a waffle in between. That was my day. And every day, that memory fades just a little. Sigh.

So why is doing well so important anyway? There are many reasons, but I’m putting it down to two main ones. The first is the assurance of trying your best and seeing your reward for it. Namely, self-satisfaction. Yes, there is much inexplicable glee in knowing your efforts have paid off. The second, is because it matters to others. Seeing others work their butts off makes you want to up your game, and work your butt off too. Isn’t that why people look at averages and bell-curves? It’s only natural – you aren’t the only student in the school. There’s a name for this one too – self-worth. There is a need to give yourself a reason for why you’re here. To convince yourself that the admissions officers didn’t make a mistake, and that your acceptance isn’t a fluke. Hey, when you look around you and all you see are madly smart/intelligent/cool/insert-awe-inspiring-positive-adjective-here people who’ve done something worthwhile in their lives, your list of accolades seems rather… pathetic, if I might say so myself.

Anyway, there’s a common trend in both reasons. They’re both self-centred. It’s about me. I do well, for me. I am why it matters. But why should it matter? In my (Christian) opinion, studying should matter because it’s for God. Because He’s currently called you to be a student, and in any circumstance He’s put you in, you ought to try your best to fulfill your role, the role He’s planned for you to have. There’s an apt Bible verse for this – in1 Corinthians 10:31, it says, ‘So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.’ All things for God’s glory. It’s a switch, from self to God. Self-centered to God-centered. Self-motivated to God-motivated.

It’s very simple, really, and I’ve had this told to me a thousand times. But funny how one forgets the most important truths the most easily, and focuses on the things that are least important. So I hereby commit all things, academics included, to You. Give me the wisdom to study only for You. Humble me.

Push, Learn, Adapt, Love

It’s November; I can’t believe it. The days are getting darker (It’s 5:15 and the sky is pitch black. So depressing.), winter is stealthily creeping in (moments when the harsh winter wind come cutting across my face serve as an acute reminder), and Christmas is finally visible on the distant horizon (I saw the CVS people put up decorations for sale today!). With each passing day, people are slowly rounding up their year – finishing the last of their projects and examinations, planning a vacation as a treat for having survived the year and slowly reflecting on the past ten months or so. To some, it’s just a date; life goes on like it always does. To others, it’s a symbol of a brand new start, a clean slate, and an opportunity to do things better. I definitely belong to the latter group. There are old habits to change, new skills to learn, and new experiences to gain. As I await the last two months of the year, bits and pieces of tiny revelations are slowly floating down like autumn leaves, making their way into my list of 2009’s quintessential moments. But let’s just move a little forward before we look back, hey?

For now though, I’m learning so much with each passing day. There are pieces of advice I give myself – Push. Learn. Adapt. Love. These words have become my mantra. I could make an acronym out of it – PALL, or LLAP, whichever works fine – but let’s leave that to inspirational book authors, shall we? I shall try my best to minimize the cheesiness while expounding on them, but no promises.

Push – push yourself out there, out of your comfort zone. Make friends with people who are different from you – who knows, you might find your best friends among them. Grab hold of opportunities because you’ll only know how far you can go if you stretch yourself. Have discipline, don’t give up when the tough times come, because you will get through. Be brave.

Learn – learn from your mistakes, learn new skills. Cook, ride a bike, run. Explore new places and learn the directions. Embrace knowledge, don’t be afraid of it. Take care of yourself. Learn to be independent; no one’s holding your hand now.

Adapt – don’t be stubborn; make accommodations. This is your life now, and the hidden treasures are found only when you give looking a chance. So things here are different from what you’re used to; big deal. Don’t hold on to the past. As one Tufts class of 2013 application essay read, ‘If human personality can be classified as three states of matter, then I am liquid because I take the shape of the container but never lose my density.’

Love – perhaps the most important thing to do. Give all, leave nothing. Love is free and love is fiercely loyal. Love is patient, Love is kind…and perfect love casts out all fear. Take risks because Jesus took the ultimate risk when He died for you.

With each day I feel myself getting closer to God’s will for me. I’m excited. I’m in the right place. This, is good.

Fall-ing in Like

A tiny snippet of life here on campus. It is pretty beautiful, and the sunny days make me happy. New England weather is temperamental though, so rainy and snowy (yes, in October!) days abound. I had to summon up some courage to walk around campus taking photos of seemingly everyday life like some trigger-happy tourist, since most people here are used to the four seasons. But it was worth it. And it also shows something about the international scene here – as I was taking pictures, another guy was walking around doing the same.

Halloween as it Should be

I’m hereby taking a break from studying IR to post a short entry about Halloween on the Hill! So today Lisa, my suitemate and I, went about taking a bunch of kids around Tufts as part of LCS’ annual H-o-H programme. There were magic shows, stories, haunted houses, and of course, trick or treating! Seeing them so excited about Halloween made me so happy, especially since I never got to celebrate it as a kid.

This is Zach and his friend Erin. They didn’t dress up, but they were still lots of fun! Zach’s this huge 8 year old who acts all rebellious and tough but he’s really sweet towards Erin.

Giovana the bat girl and Emilio the… character from Star Wars (I couldn’t make out what he was saying and I don’t know anything about Star Wars sorry) peeking from behind.

Doesn’t Emilio look like Bart Simpson here?! He’s a really sweet kid. I like him.

Magic show!

Face painting! The organisers did a really good job of planning everything, I must say. The kids were fully entertained.

Here’s Helena. I don’t think she likes being photographed very much, but she’s a really friendly girl. She’s also really smart and was constantly regaling me with stories and facts of general knowledge. ‘There are no such things as ghosts.’ ‘Did you know that bats are mammals? There are 1000 different kinds of bats. Some eat fruit, some drink blood but of small animals, not humans.’ ‘Time stops at 12 and starts again.’

Random ghost. Didn’t have time to take many pictures since I was constantly trying to make sure none of them went missing. What I really like about children though, is that they’re really the same everywhere you go. They’re happy people, and they just want you to be their friend.

Group shot!!! Lisa was a cat and I was a pirate, swashbucklin’ sword (though you can’t see it here) and all. It was a fun morning/afternoon.

… and it’s back to studying.

Yes, I Can

“5. Resilience. This is probably the most important piece of advice I can give you. It’s also the most difficult to do. Personally it’s the hardest. Whether you’re a foreign correspondent, a photojournalist or an NGO worker – anyone in this field – you’re going to need a ton of resilience. This job isn’t easy. There’s going to be a lot of waiting, a lot of rejection – oh believe me, you’re going to get rejected a million times – and a lot of frustration. In this vein this is a pretty annoying line of work, really. And resilience is the most important thing you have to remember.”

Not to be cheesy, but I sometimes wonder if it’s so silly to believe in all that Disney-esque stuff about ‘chasing your dreams’ and ‘everything is possible’. Because these things happen. Miracles, success, happiness. Dreams do come true. Some might say it’s simply the power of belief and will – and I don’t disagree. After all, a certain Barack Obama won the elections with the campaign slogan of three simple words echoing this very rhetoric – ‘Yes, we can.’

Before I start sounding like one of those motivational posters plastered up on your wall, I should clarify that these things don’t land on your lap. They come after a long period of waiting, frustration, tears, hoping. They come after a lot of hard work. But they come.L

Last night at an EXPOSURE meeting, Alice Fordham, a freelance journalist, was invited to talk about her career. She currently works in Beirut, and frequently travels to Iraq to cover stories. She used to work at the Times in London, because, after graduating, she decided she didn’t want to become a lawyer. In a moment of extreme bravery (and some would say temporary insanity) she quit her job and moved to the Middle East. There, she worked for several local agencies and now holds a job in Beirut and handles freelance work from all over the world. She’s in the USA currently for several job-related activities, and will fly back to the Middle East after that. So as you can imagine, it was pretty exciting meeting someone like that. Here’s the most important part I gleaned from her presentation, paraphrased according to how much my memory didn’t fail me.

“Number 5. Resilience. This is probably the most important piece of advice I can give you. It’s also the most difficult to do. Personally it’s the hardest. Whether you’re a foreign correspondent, a photojournalist or an NGO worker – anyone in this field – you’re going to need a ton of resilience. This job isn’t easy. There’s going to be a lot of waiting, a lot of rejection – oh believe me, you’re going to get rejected a million times – and a lot of frustration. In this vein this is a pretty annoying line of work, really. But, anyway, resilience. That’s the most important thing you have to remember.”

Not to be cheesy, but I sometimes wonder if it’s so silly to believe in all that Disney-esque stuff about ‘chasing your dreams’ and how ‘everything is possible’ (coincidentally, that phrase also happens to be on my wallpaper). Because these things happen. Miracles, success, happiness. Dreams do come true. Some might say it’s simply the power of belief and will – and I don’t disagree. After all, a certain Barack Obama won the elections with the campaign slogan of three simple words echoing this very rhetoric – ‘Yes, we can.’ Before I start sounding like one of those motivational posters plastered up on your wall, I should clarify that these things don’t land on your lap. They come after a long period of waiting, frustration, tears, hoping. They come after a lot of hard work. But they come.

P.S. Just as a side note – while I believe in willpower and all that, I also believe that the best successes come when you dream God’s dreams. There’s nothing comparable to that.

Honk for Peace

While walking through Davis Square on Sunday, I witnessed an interesting sight. There were people, in droves (not to mention all shapes, sizes and colours), calling for peace. Turns out it was part of the HONK! festival, an annual celebration of peace by activist street bands, as the banner claimed.

Refusing to miss out, I whipped out my camera and went around.

There were performance artists,

friendly street musicians,

hula-hoopers,

mascots,

children,

and the regular curious folks milling about, like me.

Needless to say, the place was brimming with excitement. So was I!

Perhaps the power of having a purpose shouldn’t be belittled. It unifies, energizes and accelerates. Purpose gives people a cause worth fighting for. It gives people hope, passion and a reason to wake up each day. That said, seeing all of that makes me grateful to be here.

Only in America.

Be Thou My Vision

As one might have guessed from reading the recent blog posts, I’ve been lacking joy of late. Being intimately close to God, hearing His voice and having that raging fire and passion and love for life and others seem like mere memories; my past, but not my present. It was much easier back in Singapore, with tons of Christian friends and a Christian school and ample time devoted to Him and Him alone. But college is a whole different ballgame, and I’ve got to get with the program. So I prayed about it. I had others pray for me (it was my prayer request at FSG two weeks ago). And you know what prayer does – it gets an answer. So today, I decided to visit Vineyard. And guess what the sermon topic was? Everyday Abundance and Joy. Just what I needed to hear. After church, I went back to my dorm, and thought about how LMG was perfectly themed ‘MGS Rejoice’. And guess what I found? The softcopy of the devotions I gave at MG, a few days before the event.

“Good morning MGS! I’m Charmaine, an old girl, and also part of the LoveMGS committee this year, and I’m here to give devotions this morning.

Rejoice. Strange word to hear on a Wednesday morning isn’t it? It’s the middle of the week – late enough for the pleasures of the last weekend to have dissolved but too early to look forward to the excitement of the coming weekend. You’re kind of stuck in limbo and, if my guesses are accurate, just waiting to get through that test on that period and have the rest of the day over and done with so that you can go to bed at night knowing that tomorrow you’ll be one step closer to waking up past 6am on Saturday morning. So really, what is there to rejoice about?

Plenty, in fact. Rejoicing comes easily, really, once you’ve discovered the secret to life. What is this secret? It’s Jesus Christ. Most of you have probably heard about Him – how he’s died on the cross for us and all – but what does that entail? Why is that a secret? And in the midst of mundane life, why does that cause one to rejoice?

It’s a secret because although the good news of the Gospel is being spread around, people don’t seem to believe it or understand it. Honestly, many of you have heard John 3:16 being preached over and over again – For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten son, that whoever should believe in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life. More than a few of you can recite it by heart. But do you really, know what that means?

Jesus Christ dying for us means more than eternity in heaven with angels and clouds, or being saved from the fiery pits of Hell. His death on the cross means He loves us – so much that He was willing to get down off his heavenly throne and take the form of lowly man, just to show us how far He’d go to prove it. It means someone loves us enough to die for us, enough that if just one person needed that death, Christ would do it all over again. The cross also means that He is here. With us. With you, and me. He gave us the Holy Spirit, and with it, the honour of knowing His presence, strength, love, peace, power and joy, at any time of the day, anywhere in the world. Yes, you can tap into God, the creator of the universe, 24/7. Isn’t that awesome?

With the Almighty creator of the universe loving you the way He does, it’s kind of hard not to rejoice isn’t it! If you truly sit down and try to comprehend this, try to understand what it means to be loved by God, you’ll realise that you don’t need any other reason to be joyful. Having this love inside of you makes you able to love others freely, because it is such a great love dwelling in you that it knows no bounds and can’t help but overflow. It helps you overcome anything, because God’s love has overcome everything.

As Paul says in Philippians 4:10-13 – ‘I rejoice greatly in the Lord… …for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is like to be in need, and I know what it is like to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.’ That statement holds so much power. Paul actually claims to have God’s joy, regardless of the situation. How many of us, can say that we understand God’s love, as well as Paul does?

And in Philippians 4:4, which happens to be LoveMGS’ theme verse for this year, God practically commands us to be joyful.  ‘Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!’ So go ahead. In the midst of tests, the routine of daily life or problems, rejoice. Because God says you can.”

Time to take my own advice, and rejoice.

Heart of my own heart,
Whatever befall,
Still be my vision,
O Ruler of all.

I Miss You

Maybe it’s all that Grey’s Anatomy, with its weepy storyline and heartwrenching soundtrack. Or re-reading farewell cards. Or general loneliness. But I’ve been getting more than my fair share of heartache recently. Not in the brutal pounding way, nor in the quiet, dull throb way. It’s subtler, like the tiny threads of your heart are fraying, loosening their firm grip on the solidness of your life, just that tiny bit.

I’m off to New Hampshire in an hour or so, for a TCF retreat, and I’m excited. I had my first rehearsal for TDC this week, and it was awesome. I’m pretty sure I failed my first French quiz. On Wednesday I did omg-I-am-a-college-student things like topping up my Jumbo and Charlie cards and doing my laundry. I’m embracing each sunny day by studying on the hill, one of my favourite spots on campus. And yes, in spite of this, there is still space, and there is still time, to feel lonely.

I think Mr Jon Tofu Chan sums it up pretty nicely in his card – ‘I started this writing really small because I thought I would have so much to say. But that’s not so. Maybe for the big things, you don’t need that many words.’

Love Undeserved

with the same wonder

you disclose when you

notice something

new in my eyes

you never believed

was there before, which

amazes you, complicates

your love, and enriches it

like a grey, spartan room

filling with bright furniture.’

‘with the same wonder

you disclose when you

notice something

new in my eyes

you never believed

was there before, which

amazes you, complicates

your love, and enriches it

like a grey, spartan room

filling with bright furniture.’

- san francisco, cyril wong