Liberalism, specifically Classical Liberalism, states that the rights of the individual outweigh the interests of the state. In an ideal world, states ought to cooperate mutually and assist one another in order to achieve peace.

For a long time, I was caught in the middle. I never knew which side to pick, hence I was always sitting on the face. Recently though, a thought that struck me enabled me to reconcile the world with my faith. My views can be divided into the secular and the non-secular. In a purely secular society, I would be a Realist. National security as the top priority only makes sense – it would be lofty, fluffy and too idealistic to dream of states constantly behaving in an altruistic fashion in order to concoct some vague notion of world peace. States need to put themselves over any other state. From the Christian perspective though, the individual presides over any whole state. Altruism is necessary; it’s what Jesus has called us to do – as crazy, impossible and naive as that sounds. But hey, David defeated the giant. And we’re asked to do the same.

So I thought, might as well blog about it right? Since this blog is, after all, for all you peeps back home anyway, and since I am so bad at keeping in touch (still haven’t replied those emails sorry!!!) and since I need an outlet through which to whine. Ow. My nose is all sore and red at the sides from all that tissue (toilet paper, now that all my tissue is gone). I look like Rudolph. Wonderful. And did I mention that I have a MOUNTAIN of work? I know this is a pretty self-centred post, I’m sorry, but please bear with me.

My suitemates are outside in the common room trying to make snowflakes with coloured paper so that our suite can look Christmassy. Oh and I must say that I’m very thankful for motherly suitemates who give me food when I am too sick to leave the room. I’ve left our suite twice today, once for French, and once for a project meeting. Not even for FSG, which is sad because it’s the last FSG of the semester and I like them. Very much. The whining continues. Aren’t you glad you’re way back home in sunny Singapore with a T-shirt and shorts on and thinking ‘Thank goodness this whining isn’t audible?’ *proceeds to scroll down*

Honestly, I’m just gritting my teeth and trying to best make my way through the next two weeks without failing any of my finals and finally, finally, getting on that plane to travel 9000 miles back home. Slippers, shorts and Bah Kut Teh sound so good right now. So yes, this is the next best thing to getting an email. I’ll try to be better at not going MIA next semester, I promise.

Brooklyn Bridge, NY.

(couldn’t resist.)

A secret kept even from ourselves:

how bridges are falling

between the imagined word

and the spoken one.

between what I say

and what you actually hear.

If you could slow

time down, perhaps you might

even hear them falling.

excerpt from Bridges, by Cyril Wong

I don’t regret how I spent those 9 months. I went for Trackers – learned about Jesus, went to Cambodia, worked in church. Spent lots of time being involved with XS. Collaborated with good friends in writing and performing in a play. Helped to organise a worship event (and so much more) for my alma mater, MGS. Went to Vietnam. Helped out with The Amber Initiative. Tutored Primary 6 kids. Spent time with friends, exploring Singapore. Rested. And somewhere in the middle of that, learned about friendship, heartache, love and moving on. It was a beautiful time.

And now, I am in my dorm. It’s 12:01am on the 25th of November (which technically makes the A Levels a year and a day ago). My room is in a mess. I need to take my clothes out of the dryer, and I need to pack for New York. I’m well into the semester – it’s ending in less than a month, in fact. Fall is reaching a close, the trees are almost bare now, and winter is stealthily creeping in. In a sense it’s still a period of beginning for me; I’m beginning to find my place in this college, beginning to find good friends, beginning to recognise every corner of this second home. I’ve learned so much in the last 3 months, it’s been amazing.

We really were such kids, weren’t we? And I don’t mean that in a childish way (college kids aren’t so great either – someone stole our common room furniture this morning, for instance. And the other day, some drunk idiots sprayed toothpaste and shaving cream all over the hall. I felt like boxing them.), but a childlike way. The world was so small, its boundaries so clearly defined, its different aspects neatly organised into nice little sections. I remember feeling, during the course of the A Levels, that this was my world. Just study, and get through it, I told myself. I didn’t think too far ahead. I couldn’t. The A Levels seemed like such a monstrous uphill battle. Neither could the rest of the cohort, I think. Then BOOM! It ended, with that last paper on the 24th of November. Suddenly we had nothing to do. We were pretty lost for a day or two, and then we started on post-JC life. Then 365 days zoomed by, and we’re at a completely different stage in life now, growing up. Or at least, trying our best to, and tripping, falling, and getting back up along the way. How mindblowing.

I should go get my clothes out of the dryer before someone takes them out for me.

“The world spins madly on, doesn’t it? Time kind of pulls you along, and you’ve no choice but to follow, like a shackled prisoner, until sometimes you manage to sneak a glimpse behind and you realise that ‘oh my goodness, it’s been a while’.

So, it’s been a while.

.

.

.

We’ll live.”

- The emails from friends currently sitting in my inbox. Keeping in touch with people an ocean (or two) away isn’t easy, and I’m not the best at that. The fact that they’re taking the effort to sit down and spend an hour typing out a long message addressed to me means so much. Gotta get with the replies soon.

- Highrock. How blessed am I to find such an awesome church, whose sermons uplift and inspire every single week, and whose ministries make me want to affect change in my church back home?

- TCF. Without this, I’d feel pretty lost sometimes. Yes, faith is personal and individual, but knowing that there is a community around you, for you, makes things so much better.

- My suitemates. They’re like my moms; they let me use their printers, ask me how my day was, make me tea, go out with me and make sure I don’t get lost.

- God. Yeap, I’m thanking God for God. He has given me many things in abundance – joy, strength, peace, wisdom, and love. I’ve seen much favour and grace in these two months here at Tufts, and I know the months and years ahead will be full of the same.

These just came off the top of my head, though if I really thought about it, I’m sure I can come up with a lot more. Just the fact that I’m living near Boston and having so many artists stop by to perform, for one (Avenue Q! John Mayer! Joshua Radin! Lion King!). Having the financial ability to afford coming here, that’s another. And being a pampered college student with a dorm and a meal plan, as opposed to the UK folks who have to rent an apartment and buy their own groceries from day one. Those are the big things. There’s also the small stuff – having nice PER H project group mates, managing to finish my IR reading, going to New York in 2 days!!! I could go on and on. And even that, is something I am thankful for. (:

if grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.

Cambodia

In Cambodia, the children took my camera and started running around with it. They took pictures of everything -of each other, and of their homes. Needless to say, I love all of the photographs.

I miss Asia.

I’ve noticed that people here really work their butts off – an acute observation, I know – and it’s interesting to see how much they strive to do well in everything. Day in and day out there are people huddling in the library, trying their best not to yield to the temptation to go on Facebook and instead telling themselves that that elusive A is imminently in sight. People skip meetings, though it’s a 5 minute walk from their room, so they can spend that extra hour flipping through their colossal stacks of Poli-Sci notes. In conversations, when asked about their week, they determine its quality by the number of midterms or essays they have, or how they fared on tests. Oh dear, I must be making Tufts out to be some kind of Dorkfest. It really isn’t! People are cool and they do crazily fabulous things. But this is an aspect of college life that is impossible to ignore. And it’s not a bad thing – people just really want to do well. I, on the other hand, am still trying to pull my socks up. Every day I try desperately to recall what self-motivated spirit possessed me in jc (or high school, if you will…) that enabled me to go on from 6am till 12midnight every day. Wake up, lecture, tutorial, rehearsal, homework, wolf down a waffle in between. That was my day. And every day, that memory fades just a little. Sigh.

So why is doing well so important anyway? There are many reasons, but I’m putting it down to two main ones. The first is the assurance of trying your best and seeing your reward for it. Namely, self-satisfaction. Yes, there is much inexplicable glee in knowing your efforts have paid off. The second, is because it matters to others. Seeing others work their butts off makes you want to up your game, and work your butt off too. Isn’t that why people look at averages and bell-curves? It’s only natural – you aren’t the only student in the school. There’s a name for this one too – self-worth. There is a need to give yourself a reason for why you’re here. To convince yourself that the admissions officers didn’t make a mistake, and that your acceptance isn’t a fluke. Hey, when you look around you and all you see are madly smart/intelligent/cool/insert-awe-inspiring-positive-adjective-here people who’ve done something worthwhile in their lives, your list of accolades seems rather… pathetic, if I might say so myself.

Anyway, there’s a common trend in both reasons. They’re both self-centred. It’s about me. I do well, for me. I am why it matters. But why should it matter? In my (Christian) opinion, studying should matter because it’s for God. Because He’s currently called you to be a student, and in any circumstance He’s put you in, you ought to try your best to fulfill your role, the role He’s planned for you to have. There’s an apt Bible verse for this – in1 Corinthians 10:31, it says, ‘So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.’ All things for God’s glory. It’s a switch, from self to God. Self-centered to God-centered. Self-motivated to God-motivated.

It’s very simple, really, and I’ve had this told to me a thousand times. But funny how one forgets the most important truths the most easily, and focuses on the things that are least important. So I hereby commit all things, academics included, to You. Give me the wisdom to study only for You. Humble me.

For now though, I’m learning so much with each passing day. There are pieces of advice I give myself – Push. Learn. Adapt. Love. These words have become my mantra. I could make an acronym out of it – PALL, or LLAP, whichever works fine – but let’s leave that to inspirational book authors, shall we? I shall try my best to minimize the cheesiness while expounding on them, but no promises.

Push – push yourself out there, out of your comfort zone. Make friends with people who are different from you – who knows, you might find your best friends among them. Grab hold of opportunities because you’ll only know how far you can go if you stretch yourself. Have discipline, don’t give up when the tough times come, because you will get through. Be brave.

Learn – learn from your mistakes, learn new skills. Cook, ride a bike, run. Explore new places and learn the directions. Embrace knowledge, don’t be afraid of it. Take care of yourself. Learn to be independent; no one’s holding your hand now.

Adapt – don’t be stubborn; make accommodations. This is your life now, and the hidden treasures are found only when you give looking a chance. So things here are different from what you’re used to; big deal. Don’t hold on to the past. As one Tufts class of 2013 application essay read, ‘If human personality can be classified as three states of matter, then I am liquid because I take the shape of the container but never lose my density.’

Love – perhaps the most important thing to do. Give all, leave nothing. Love is free and love is fiercely loyal. Love is patient, Love is kind…and perfect love casts out all fear. Take risks because Jesus took the ultimate risk when He died for you.

With each day I feel myself getting closer to God’s will for me. I’m excited. I’m in the right place. This, is good.

A tiny snippet of life here on campus. It is pretty beautiful, and the sunny days make me happy. New England weather is temperamental though, so rainy and snowy (yes, in October!) days abound. I had to summon up some courage to walk around campus taking photos of seemingly everyday life like some trigger-happy tourist, since most people here are used to the four seasons. But it was worth it. And it also shows something about the international scene here – as I was taking pictures, another guy was walking around doing the same.